How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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