I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
