you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
