Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
this hospital has no fireball
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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