So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
