she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
