I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
