the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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