some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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