the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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