saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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