i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
