New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Let's get the cat blown out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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