Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want nice things and good sex
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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