Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
