I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
