I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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