I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
