is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Your dad touched me again.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
