it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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