That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
