The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
