I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
