are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
