I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This house was built for laser tag.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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