I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
