it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
