So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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