I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
