omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
