she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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