the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
