Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
