we have pet lesbian snakes
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
