guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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