if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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