Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
handjob tips. give me some.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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