my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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