Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
