Having a random hookup so left but love u
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
