You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
