I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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