i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
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You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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