This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
