so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want to make out with him forever
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
