Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
