I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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