I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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