also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
