Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
