Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
