Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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