you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
