Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
