i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
