im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize