he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Houston, we have a blender
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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