let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
