Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
