guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
