you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
