i need an iv and a liver transplant
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Fuck appropriateness.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
