She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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