Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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