Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
