New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
