rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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