she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
