it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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