normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
