atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
