had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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