Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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