he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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