I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
