She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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