My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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