Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
