Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
