Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize