Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
