In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
